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February 1, 2008

A new year, a new blog

Ok, so first of all, Spongebob Squarepants is simply on here as a homage to our son's latest cartoon favorite. Actually, it's also my favorite since it is a 1/2 hour long and typically not the same thing over and over and Shrek movies for instance. :)
Anyway, I thought it was time to move on to a cheerier blog page and one that chronicles our life as we adjust to having a toddler in the house. Actually, C turns 4 this Monday (Feb. 4), so is he still a toddler? Not so sure, and he is quick to tell us he is not a baby anymore (sigh, how fast they grow when they start to understand English).

We are also excited to announce that we are expecting a second child this summer. Not by adoption though! Just a few weeks ago I realized that I am pregnant. I actually was newly pregnant while in Hungary which fully explains my misery and mood swings. I never in a million years expected to get pregnant, so I was a tad bit in denial over the past few months. Even after the positive home pregnancy test and doctor confirmation, I was still thinking it was all a big mistake and we'd find nothing in an ultrasound. Low and behold, there sure is a baby in there! I just reached the 20th week, so it is all a lot to wrap our heads around. I am getting used to it, although I am forbidding myself to watch "A Baby Story" on Lifetime since I get all emotional and quite scared about the delivery. We have told C he is going to have a little brother or sister, but I don't think he is getting it completely. He does say there is a baby in Mommy's tummy, so we'll see. We are hoping that none of this stresses him out our makes him think he is being replaced. His well-being is so critical right now and we want him to feel safe and to trust us that we will never give him up.

Speaking of which, we are dealing with attachment issues. Adoption is not easy to do, nor is it easy to adjust to. Feelings and thoughts I never thought I'd have keep popping up, like does C love me or is he still looking for his mommy? He has a tendency to bond really quickly with other women, particularly the teachers in his preschool. Our social worker said this most likely is not RAD, but more of a defense mechanism on C's part to make sure that whoever his next caretaker is loves him and pays attention to him. It makes some sense to me since C has basically been passed on to different women caretakers all his life. It makes me a bit nervous though, because I want him to see me as his final and forever mom. I'm sure in time this will all come to pass, but right now it is hard! Tom has no problem since he is the first man in C's life and is not going through hormonal mood swings right now. Lucky! ;)

p.s. For those who want details on C's adoption, go here to our adoption blog.


  1. Congratulations. What a blessing for you all. I am sure Csaba will do fine eventually. It takes time to work thru some of these children's issues from their past.... I am glad he will have a brother or sister. I am the lady with all the children who knew about Csaba the yr before... Again my heart is very glad he has found a loving home.

  2. Flyin' ErinFebruary 02, 2008

    Tami! Thanks for updating the new blog -- I'm so happy to see a new blog for your new phase in life!

    Congrats on the pregnancy and hang in there with Csaba and the bonding -- it'll happen.

    I'm looking forward to seeing you all again and to meeting that sweet little nephew of mine!

  3. Hi Tami,

    Congrats on your pregnancy!! We were planning to adopt from Hungary, but changed to Uzbek when we focused on 2 brothers thru AAC. I followed your blog and I'm glad you're continuing with this new one. I look forward to hearing about Csaba as he grows, and I hope all will be well with your family as time goes by. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Tom and Tami;

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! Nothing like jumping into parenting with two (four?) feet!

    I am sure that Csaba will love his new brother or sister, as long as s/he doesn't completely steal the show! After all, he is used to sharing his caregivers with other children. Probably the most difficult part will be understanding that the baby won't be able to play with him at first. Colin, Kimmi's two year old, said of his two week old sister "First she's gonna drink milk, and then she's gonna play hockey with me, ok?"

    Re: Csaba's affections for other women, I'm sure it is just what someone else told you: he has had lots of caregivers in his life, and he has had to be loving and affectionate toward them to get what he needed. As for looking for his "real mommy", I doubt he even knows what that means. Since he has been in the foster home since infancy and has had multiple caregivers, I don't think he has any concept of "mother". You will be the one who, over time, will teach him what a mother is. He will come to understand that, no matter how many women care for him (grandmas, aunties, teachers), mommy is the one he goes home to. It will just take time for him to learn the concept.. In the meantime, be patient, and don't be jealous.

    By the way, toddlerhood ends at about age 3, so Csaba is really a preschooler, and has been for a while!

    Hope you are feeling well and enjoying this new adventure. Send me your direct e-mail address, ok?

    Love to all and Happy Birthday to Csaba.

  5. I just "found" this blog... hang in there as I'm sure you will be a GREAT mom! My love to you all.... Grampa Al

  6. CONGRATS on your pregnancy and I hope that you all continue to settle in with each other and adjust.


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